Writer: Jason (Jackowacko Juliesse) Reviewer: Dana (Nada Copperfield)
Editor: Alan (karikan Kytori)
Organizer: Olivia (Cloud Clarity)
Editor: Alan (karikan Kytori)
Organizer: Olivia (Cloud Clarity)
***This discussion is also posted on Jason's blog as feedback.
Report of Discussion:
The writer’s story is about a place where you can get free kimono and find yourself a job. We can work as geisha here after putting on kimonos. We think that the author really find a good place for people hanging around in SL. It’s a good topic. Yet, there are a few things need to be revised in his article.
First of all, the headline “Here Is Only for Women” sounds like “men are banned from here;” but actually both men and women are available to come to this place.
Second, the author needs to add some transition between sentences or paragraphs. Sometimes we find that the author doesn’t make his idea clear so that we can hardly catch up with him. For example, “After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.”— We think that these two sentences have weak causality. For the first sentence “After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks,” we readers suppose that there is a mirror or something for players who want to “know how it looks”; however, the following sentence is “Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.’’ We cannot see any relation between these two sentences. Perhaps the author needs to elaborate on this part.
Furthermore, the author is lack of focus in this news. The author claims that his story is about getting free kimonos and working as geisha. Yet, when reading the article, it seems that the author mainly talks about free kimonos for women in the first two paragraphs; but then the focus of the story suddenly jumps to introducing this place. This makes us wonder whether his focus is about this place or about the kimonos or working as geisha here. Perhaps the author needs to rethink what he really wants to tell us about in this news.
Report of Discussion:
The writer’s story is about a place where you can get free kimono and find yourself a job. We can work as geisha here after putting on kimonos. We think that the author really find a good place for people hanging around in SL. It’s a good topic. Yet, there are a few things need to be revised in his article.
First of all, the headline “Here Is Only for Women” sounds like “men are banned from here;” but actually both men and women are available to come to this place.
Second, the author needs to add some transition between sentences or paragraphs. Sometimes we find that the author doesn’t make his idea clear so that we can hardly catch up with him. For example, “After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.”— We think that these two sentences have weak causality. For the first sentence “After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks,” we readers suppose that there is a mirror or something for players who want to “know how it looks”; however, the following sentence is “Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.’’ We cannot see any relation between these two sentences. Perhaps the author needs to elaborate on this part.
Furthermore, the author is lack of focus in this news. The author claims that his story is about getting free kimonos and working as geisha. Yet, when reading the article, it seems that the author mainly talks about free kimonos for women in the first two paragraphs; but then the focus of the story suddenly jumps to introducing this place. This makes us wonder whether his focus is about this place or about the kimonos or working as geisha here. Perhaps the author needs to rethink what he really wants to tell us about in this news.
Chat Transcripts of SL Discussion:
[2009/04/29 0:09] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay let me start my story
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: where r we now anyway
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: nxt time
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: hahahah
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: yeah
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: tokyo
[2009/04/29 0:09] Jackowacko Juliesse: here u can get the free kimono
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: i want to have a japaneses clothses
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: ooooh
[2009/04/29 0:09] Jackowacko Juliesse: or buy the kimono
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: hhhowhowohwhowo
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: whehewhe
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: wait
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: so
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: meanwhile u can dance like a geisha
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: i want to wear~~~~
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: tshow us
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: wait
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: so now
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: show us
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: hahahah
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: what are we going to do now
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: in order to eran lindens
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: follow me
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: ohohohohohohohohohohohohoohoohoh
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: k
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: if u wanna get free kimono
[2009/04/29 0:11] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:11] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:16] Jackowacko Juliesse: here is full of the kyoto characterstics
[2009/04/29 0:16] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:16] Cloud Clarity: okokokokok
[2009/04/29 0:16] Cloud Clarity: ookokokokokkokokokok
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield:
[2009/04/29 0:17] Cloud Clarity: give me ur url
[2009/04/29 0:17] Cloud Clarity: blog
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield: please be stable .....at least on time por favor
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: jajason.blogspot.com?
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: http://jajason.blogspot.com
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: right
[2009/04/29 0:18] Nada Copperfield: goood
[2009/04/29 0:18] Jackowacko Juliesse: maybe u could find the free kimono around here
[2009/04/29 0:18] karikan Kytori: wait, role choosing
[2009/04/29 0:18] Jackowacko Juliesse: i forgot i take the free one
[2009/04/29 0:18] Nada Copperfield: well.....
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: who is going to be the,.....
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: editor
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: or
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: i am sick and tired of typing english by the way
[2009/04/29 0:19] karikan Kytori: i editor this time in jacko's work
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: then
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: reviewer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: and organizer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: so i be organizer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: onononono
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: me reviewer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: i am th organzer
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: and pleae theunstable you can go ahead now
[2009/04/29 0:21] karikan Kytori: yep, go on jacko
[2009/04/29 0:21] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: jacko
[2009/04/29 0:21] karikan Kytori: story telling now
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: gone again
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: goood boy gone again
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: iam going to eat him up
[2009/04/29 0:21] Jackowacko Juliesse: and here u could experience as u travel aboad
[2009/04/29 0:22] Jackowacko Juliesse: thisis the outline of my story
[2009/04/29 0:23] Cloud Clarity: wati i am organizzer this timee haha
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse: the story is really shoty
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse: short
[2009/04/29 0:23] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: the fist line is .......
[2009/04/29 0:24] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: a littble bit wierd
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: the first sentence
[2009/04/29 0:24] karikan Kytori: why do u mean in ur headline? only for women?
[2009/04/29 0:24] Cloud Clarity: i want to throw up
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: does anyone have the smae thinking or idea
[2009/04/29 0:24] karikan Kytori: then why do we come here?
[2009/04/29 0:24] Jackowacko Juliesse: if u want to earn money
[2009/04/29 0:24] Cloud Clarity: i don't think the topic is quite clear
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz woman wear kimono is really beautiful
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: like u can see now
[2009/04/29 0:25] Nada Copperfield: mmmmmmmmmm
[2009/04/29 0:25] Nada Copperfield: lol
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i think here is only for women
[2009/04/29 0:25] karikan Kytori: no, i mean, if u say here is only for women
[2009/04/29 0:25] karikan Kytori: it sounds like men are not allowed here
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: yes
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: u gys banned
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: !!!!!
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: out
[2009/04/29 0:26] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz i want the reader feel curious of the topic
[2009/04/29 0:26] karikan Kytori: yep
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: the sixth line
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: six line
[2009/04/29 0:26] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: check it
[2009/04/29 0:27] Nada Copperfield: check it does not mean go away
[2009/04/29 0:27] karikan Kytori: why do u mention the name of the place at the very beginning of the story, but just the name, nothing going on
[2009/04/29 0:28] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz the focus is on the place
[2009/04/29 0:28] Jackowacko Juliesse: i want to introduce the place
[2009/04/29 0:28] Cloud Clarity: After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.--->i think that these two sentences have weak causalty
[2009/04/29 0:28] Nada Copperfield: the six line！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
[2009/04/29 0:28] karikan Kytori: then u should elaborate the sentence
[2009/04/29 0:28] karikan Kytori: not just one word
[2009/04/29 0:29] karikan Kytori: let's see 6th line now
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: the sixthe line
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: hahahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:29] karikan Kytori: otherwise, nada is going to explode
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: gooood
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: hahahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:29] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:30] karikan Kytori: what is it in 6th line?
[2009/04/29 0:30] Nada Copperfield: are you here Jacko
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: i know
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:31] Jackowacko Juliesse: yep
[2009/04/29 0:31] Nada Copperfield: so is the sixth line okya or not
[2009/04/29 0:31] Nada Copperfield: if it is okay then let's move to other lines
[2009/04/29 0:32] karikan Kytori: tell us why u want to single it out, nada
[2009/04/29 0:32] Jackowacko Juliesse: i know two meanwhiles
[2009/04/29 0:32] Nada Copperfield: oh
[2009/04/29 0:32] Nada Copperfield: the
[2009/04/29 0:32] Jackowacko Juliesse: i will edit
[2009/04/29 0:33] Nada Copperfield: when get the X one
[2009/04/29 0:33] Cloud Clarity: hey~the last para
[2009/04/29 0:33] Cloud Clarity: ifidn that
[2009/04/29 0:33] Nada Copperfield: = =
[2009/04/29 0:34] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: it issuddenly jump into the last para
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: i mean
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: why?????
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: oh welll......
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: it has no strong connection to the preceious
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: previous one
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: are we talking about the sixthe lin or th last paragraph
[2009/04/29 0:34] karikan Kytori: last sentence is really weird
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: i mean when get the new one is a right sentence??????
[2009/04/29 0:35] Jackowacko Juliesse: but i didnot know how to introduce here
[2009/04/29 0:35] Cloud Clarity: oh we haven't findied the sex line?
[2009/04/29 0:35] Jackowacko Juliesse: yo?
[2009/04/29 0:35] karikan Kytori: six, not sex
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: fine
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: its okay
[2009/04/29 0:36] Cloud Clarity: my computure lag u know
[2009/04/29 0:36] Nada Copperfield: yes
[2009/04/29 0:36] Jackowacko Juliesse: the last
[2009/04/29 0:36] Jackowacko Juliesse: how to edit
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity: i am going to change computer for a while
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity: it drives me carzy this computer
[2009/04/29 0:37] Jackowacko Juliesse: i didnot know how to conclude the whole article
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: i mean why do u say where u live now in the last sentence?
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: = =
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: no one
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: herhe
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: herhe
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: here
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: jacko, did u see my Q?
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: Q?
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: i see dana
[2009/04/29 0:39] karikan Kytori: question
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: ＼＝ ＝
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: you see me and i see you tooo
[2009/04/29 0:39] karikan Kytori: i said why u say where u live in the last sen.
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: but that is not hte poioht
[2009/04/29 0:39] Cloud Clarity is Online
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: huh?
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: here comes the lovely lady
[2009/04/29 0:40] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:40] Cloud Clarity: ok gooood this is muchhhhhhhhh better now for htis comoputer~~~~
[2009/04/29 0:40] Cloud Clarity: gosh
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: look at ur last sen.
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: why do u mean?
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: where we live?
[2009/04/29 0:40] Nada Copperfield: we live in Taiwan
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: what does it have to do with ur story
[2009/04/29 0:40] Jackowacko Juliesse: or i should revise as visit
[2009/04/29 0:41] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:42] Cloud Clarity: gpsh
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:42] Cloud Clarity: he log out again
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse: here
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i should revise as visit
[2009/04/29 0:42] karikan Kytori: it is equipped with different culture where u live now
[2009/04/29 0:42] karikan Kytori: what does it mean?
[2009/04/29 0:42] IM: Cloud Clarity: thx\
[2009/04/29 0:43] karikan Kytori: i do not understand this ent.
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: i mean u can experiece the differculture
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: from taiwan
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: when u get here
[2009/04/29 0:44] karikan Kytori: where is that lovely and spicy princess?
[2009/04/29 0:44] Cloud Clarity: huh??
[2009/04/29 0:45] karikan Kytori: i see u now
[2009/04/29 0:45] karikan Kytori: ha ha
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: the last para
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: for me
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: it is not stroung because
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: your focus in the previous para
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: seems that
[2009/04/29 0:46] Jackowacko Juliesse: the kimono and the earning money?
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: the earning linden is not the main focus
[2009/04/29 0:46] Jackowacko Juliesse: the kimono?
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: yes i thinkg
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: what ii fell like is that
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: hey, in ur 2nd para. u say one would like to know how she looks when she wears kimono
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: and u suddenly jump to money earning
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: kimono i s the main piont
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: it's too abrupt
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: not hte earning money
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: yep, focus on kimono part
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: so if u wwant to brough upo earning money as a focus
[2009/04/29 0:47] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: you should revice and elaborate it
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: but earning lindens is simole
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: ple
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: just dance like the geisha
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: how to elaborate
[2009/04/29 0:48] karikan Kytori: u could add that of course
[2009/04/29 0:48] karikan Kytori: but do not jump so fast
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:49] Jackowacko Juliesse: u mean the change the fit and earn lindens
[2009/04/29 0:49] karikan Kytori: i mean when u say girls would like to know how they look
[2009/04/29 0:49] Cloud Clarity: so
[2009/04/29 0:49] karikan Kytori: then tell the readers how to look at themselves
[2009/04/29 0:50] karikan Kytori: do not jump to money at this moment
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: huh?
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: i know what alnal mean
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: fit them
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: he means that
[2009/04/29 0:50] karikan Kytori: gooooooood
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: u say "After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. "
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: when i first see this sentence
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: i first think of
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: there might be a mirror
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: uh
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: or sth
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: but the outcome is
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i need to add the fitting pat
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: u say we can go paly as gashi
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz here proides the fitting room
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: ==
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: waht't this
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: hahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: what happened
[2009/04/29 0:52] karikan Kytori: nada wants to kill us all
[2009/04/29 0:52] karikan Kytori: poor we
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:52] Nada Copperfield: lol
[2009/04/29 0:52] Nada Copperfield: go on
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: so do u get it
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: ok i know
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: i am dying
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: haha
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: itr we findished
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: i should explain how we look
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: or is there any more ideas?
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: yes
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: and we can earn lindens by playing as geisha
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: righ?
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: or y can say
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: what can we do after wearing kimono
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: that is paly as geisha
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: it will be much more clearer
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: edittor
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: any more idea?
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: its 4
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: omg
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: yes omg
[2009/04/29 0:55] Cloud Clarity: dying
[2009/04/29 0:55] karikan Kytori: in ur 1st para, u say that wearing kimono is a dream
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes?
[2009/04/29 0:55] karikan Kytori: r u sure everyone thinks so?
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: maybe
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i shoudl delete this part
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: maybe u could say wearing clothes of other country is good or special
[2009/04/29 0:56] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: okay
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: so....
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: r we findish
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: dini?
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: fini?
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: no more opinion
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: fin
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: k
[2009/04/29 0:57] Cloud Clarity: who's next
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: where r we now anyway
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: nxt time
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: hahahah
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: yeah
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: tokyo
[2009/04/29 0:09] Jackowacko Juliesse: here u can get the free kimono
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: i want to have a japaneses clothses
[2009/04/29 0:09] Nada Copperfield: ooooh
[2009/04/29 0:09] Jackowacko Juliesse: or buy the kimono
[2009/04/29 0:09] Cloud Clarity: hhhowhowohwhowo
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: whehewhe
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: wait
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: so
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: meanwhile u can dance like a geisha
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: i want to wear~~~~
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: tshow us
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: wait
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: so now
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: show us
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: hahahah
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: what are we going to do now
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: in order to eran lindens
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: follow me
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: ohohohohohohohohohohohohoohoohoh
[2009/04/29 0:10] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:10] Nada Copperfield: k
[2009/04/29 0:10] Jackowacko Juliesse: if u wanna get free kimono
[2009/04/29 0:11] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:11] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:16] Jackowacko Juliesse: here is full of the kyoto characterstics
[2009/04/29 0:16] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:16] Cloud Clarity: okokokokok
[2009/04/29 0:16] Cloud Clarity: ookokokokokkokokokok
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield:
[2009/04/29 0:17] Cloud Clarity: give me ur url
[2009/04/29 0:17] Cloud Clarity: blog
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield: please be stable .....at least on time por favor
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: jajason.blogspot.com?
[2009/04/29 0:17] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: http://jajason.blogspot.com
[2009/04/29 0:17] Jackowacko Juliesse: right
[2009/04/29 0:18] Nada Copperfield: goood
[2009/04/29 0:18] Jackowacko Juliesse: maybe u could find the free kimono around here
[2009/04/29 0:18] karikan Kytori: wait, role choosing
[2009/04/29 0:18] Jackowacko Juliesse: i forgot i take the free one
[2009/04/29 0:18] Nada Copperfield: well.....
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: who is going to be the,.....
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: editor
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: or
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: i am sick and tired of typing english by the way
[2009/04/29 0:19] karikan Kytori: i editor this time in jacko's work
[2009/04/29 0:19] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: then
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: reviewer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: and organizer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: so i be organizer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: onononono
[2009/04/29 0:20] Cloud Clarity: me reviewer
[2009/04/29 0:20] Nada Copperfield: i am th organzer
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: and pleae theunstable you can go ahead now
[2009/04/29 0:21] karikan Kytori: yep, go on jacko
[2009/04/29 0:21] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: jacko
[2009/04/29 0:21] karikan Kytori: story telling now
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: gone again
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: goood boy gone again
[2009/04/29 0:21] Nada Copperfield: iam going to eat him up
[2009/04/29 0:21] Jackowacko Juliesse: and here u could experience as u travel aboad
[2009/04/29 0:22] Jackowacko Juliesse: thisis the outline of my story
[2009/04/29 0:23] Cloud Clarity: wati i am organizzer this timee haha
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse: the story is really shoty
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse: short
[2009/04/29 0:23] Nada Copperfield: okay
[2009/04/29 0:23] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: the fist line is .......
[2009/04/29 0:24] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: a littble bit wierd
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: the first sentence
[2009/04/29 0:24] karikan Kytori: why do u mean in ur headline? only for women?
[2009/04/29 0:24] Cloud Clarity: i want to throw up
[2009/04/29 0:24] Nada Copperfield: does anyone have the smae thinking or idea
[2009/04/29 0:24] karikan Kytori: then why do we come here?
[2009/04/29 0:24] Jackowacko Juliesse: if u want to earn money
[2009/04/29 0:24] Cloud Clarity: i don't think the topic is quite clear
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz woman wear kimono is really beautiful
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: like u can see now
[2009/04/29 0:25] Nada Copperfield: mmmmmmmmmm
[2009/04/29 0:25] Nada Copperfield: lol
[2009/04/29 0:25] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i think here is only for women
[2009/04/29 0:25] karikan Kytori: no, i mean, if u say here is only for women
[2009/04/29 0:25] karikan Kytori: it sounds like men are not allowed here
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: yes
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: u gys banned
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: !!!!!
[2009/04/29 0:26] Cloud Clarity: out
[2009/04/29 0:26] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz i want the reader feel curious of the topic
[2009/04/29 0:26] karikan Kytori: yep
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: the sixth line
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: six line
[2009/04/29 0:26] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:26] Nada Copperfield: check it
[2009/04/29 0:27] Nada Copperfield: check it does not mean go away
[2009/04/29 0:27] karikan Kytori: why do u mention the name of the place at the very beginning of the story, but just the name, nothing going on
[2009/04/29 0:28] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz the focus is on the place
[2009/04/29 0:28] Jackowacko Juliesse: i want to introduce the place
[2009/04/29 0:28] Cloud Clarity: After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. Therefore, you could dance for a certain time in order to earn Lindens.--->i think that these two sentences have weak causalty
[2009/04/29 0:28] Nada Copperfield: the six line！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
[2009/04/29 0:28] karikan Kytori: then u should elaborate the sentence
[2009/04/29 0:28] karikan Kytori: not just one word
[2009/04/29 0:29] karikan Kytori: let's see 6th line now
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: the sixthe line
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: hahahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:29] karikan Kytori: otherwise, nada is going to explode
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: gooood
[2009/04/29 0:29] Nada Copperfield: hahahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:29] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:30] karikan Kytori: what is it in 6th line?
[2009/04/29 0:30] Nada Copperfield: are you here Jacko
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: i know
[2009/04/29 0:30] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:31] Jackowacko Juliesse: yep
[2009/04/29 0:31] Nada Copperfield: so is the sixth line okya or not
[2009/04/29 0:31] Nada Copperfield: if it is okay then let's move to other lines
[2009/04/29 0:32] karikan Kytori: tell us why u want to single it out, nada
[2009/04/29 0:32] Jackowacko Juliesse: i know two meanwhiles
[2009/04/29 0:32] Nada Copperfield: oh
[2009/04/29 0:32] Nada Copperfield: the
[2009/04/29 0:32] Jackowacko Juliesse: i will edit
[2009/04/29 0:33] Nada Copperfield: when get the X one
[2009/04/29 0:33] Cloud Clarity: hey~the last para
[2009/04/29 0:33] Cloud Clarity: ifidn that
[2009/04/29 0:33] Nada Copperfield: = =
[2009/04/29 0:34] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: it issuddenly jump into the last para
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: i mean
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: why?????
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: oh welll......
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: it has no strong connection to the preceious
[2009/04/29 0:34] Cloud Clarity: previous one
[2009/04/29 0:34] Nada Copperfield: are we talking about the sixthe lin or th last paragraph
[2009/04/29 0:34] karikan Kytori: last sentence is really weird
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: i mean when get the new one is a right sentence??????
[2009/04/29 0:35] Jackowacko Juliesse: but i didnot know how to introduce here
[2009/04/29 0:35] Cloud Clarity: oh we haven't findied the sex line?
[2009/04/29 0:35] Jackowacko Juliesse: yo?
[2009/04/29 0:35] karikan Kytori: six, not sex
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: fine
[2009/04/29 0:35] Nada Copperfield: its okay
[2009/04/29 0:36] Cloud Clarity: my computure lag u know
[2009/04/29 0:36] Nada Copperfield: yes
[2009/04/29 0:36] Jackowacko Juliesse: the last
[2009/04/29 0:36] Jackowacko Juliesse: how to edit
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity: i am going to change computer for a while
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity: it drives me carzy this computer
[2009/04/29 0:37] Jackowacko Juliesse: i didnot know how to conclude the whole article
[2009/04/29 0:37] Cloud Clarity is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: i mean why do u say where u live now in the last sentence?
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: = =
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: no one
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: herhe
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: herhe
[2009/04/29 0:38] Jackowacko Juliesse: here
[2009/04/29 0:38] karikan Kytori: jacko, did u see my Q?
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: Q?
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: i see dana
[2009/04/29 0:39] karikan Kytori: question
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: ＼＝ ＝
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: you see me and i see you tooo
[2009/04/29 0:39] karikan Kytori: i said why u say where u live in the last sen.
[2009/04/29 0:39] Nada Copperfield: but that is not hte poioht
[2009/04/29 0:39] Cloud Clarity is Online
[2009/04/29 0:39] Jackowacko Juliesse: huh?
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: here comes the lovely lady
[2009/04/29 0:40] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:40] Cloud Clarity: ok gooood this is muchhhhhhhhh better now for htis comoputer~~~~
[2009/04/29 0:40] Cloud Clarity: gosh
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: look at ur last sen.
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: why do u mean?
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: where we live?
[2009/04/29 0:40] Nada Copperfield: we live in Taiwan
[2009/04/29 0:40] karikan Kytori: what does it have to do with ur story
[2009/04/29 0:40] Jackowacko Juliesse: or i should revise as visit
[2009/04/29 0:41] Jackowacko Juliesse is Offline
[2009/04/29 0:42] Cloud Clarity: gpsh
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse is Online
[2009/04/29 0:42] Cloud Clarity: he log out again
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse: here
[2009/04/29 0:42] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i should revise as visit
[2009/04/29 0:42] karikan Kytori: it is equipped with different culture where u live now
[2009/04/29 0:42] karikan Kytori: what does it mean?
[2009/04/29 0:42] IM: Cloud Clarity: thx\
[2009/04/29 0:43] karikan Kytori: i do not understand this ent.
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: i mean u can experiece the differculture
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: from taiwan
[2009/04/29 0:43] Jackowacko Juliesse: when u get here
[2009/04/29 0:44] karikan Kytori: where is that lovely and spicy princess?
[2009/04/29 0:44] Cloud Clarity: huh??
[2009/04/29 0:45] karikan Kytori: i see u now
[2009/04/29 0:45] karikan Kytori: ha ha
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: the last para
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: for me
[2009/04/29 0:45] Cloud Clarity: it is not stroung because
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: your focus in the previous para
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: seems that
[2009/04/29 0:46] Jackowacko Juliesse: the kimono and the earning money?
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: the earning linden is not the main focus
[2009/04/29 0:46] Jackowacko Juliesse: the kimono?
[2009/04/29 0:46] Cloud Clarity: yes i thinkg
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: what ii fell like is that
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: hey, in ur 2nd para. u say one would like to know how she looks when she wears kimono
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: and u suddenly jump to money earning
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: kimono i s the main piont
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: it's too abrupt
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: not hte earning money
[2009/04/29 0:47] karikan Kytori: yep, focus on kimono part
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: so if u wwant to brough upo earning money as a focus
[2009/04/29 0:47] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:47] Cloud Clarity: you should revice and elaborate it
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: but earning lindens is simole
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: ple
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: just dance like the geisha
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: how to elaborate
[2009/04/29 0:48] karikan Kytori: u could add that of course
[2009/04/29 0:48] karikan Kytori: but do not jump so fast
[2009/04/29 0:48] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:49] Jackowacko Juliesse: u mean the change the fit and earn lindens
[2009/04/29 0:49] karikan Kytori: i mean when u say girls would like to know how they look
[2009/04/29 0:49] Cloud Clarity: so
[2009/04/29 0:49] karikan Kytori: then tell the readers how to look at themselves
[2009/04/29 0:50] karikan Kytori: do not jump to money at this moment
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: huh?
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: i know what alnal mean
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: fit them
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: he means that
[2009/04/29 0:50] karikan Kytori: gooooooood
[2009/04/29 0:50] Jackowacko Juliesse: ?
[2009/04/29 0:50] Cloud Clarity: u say "After you dress the selected kimono, you must want to know how it looks. "
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: when i first see this sentence
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: i first think of
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: there might be a mirror
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: uh
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: or sth
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: but the outcome is
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i need to add the fitting pat
[2009/04/29 0:51] Cloud Clarity: u say we can go paly as gashi
[2009/04/29 0:51] Jackowacko Juliesse: coz here proides the fitting room
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: ==
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: waht't this
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: hahahaha
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: what happened
[2009/04/29 0:52] karikan Kytori: nada wants to kill us all
[2009/04/29 0:52] karikan Kytori: poor we
[2009/04/29 0:52] Jackowacko Juliesse: haha
[2009/04/29 0:52] Nada Copperfield: lol
[2009/04/29 0:52] Nada Copperfield: go on
[2009/04/29 0:52] Cloud Clarity: so do u get it
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: ok i know
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: i am dying
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: haha
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: itr we findished
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: i should explain how we look
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: or is there any more ideas?
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: yes
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: and we can earn lindens by playing as geisha
[2009/04/29 0:53] Jackowacko Juliesse: righ?
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: or y can say
[2009/04/29 0:53] Cloud Clarity: what can we do after wearing kimono
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: that is paly as geisha
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: it will be much more clearer
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: ok
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: edittor
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: any more idea?
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: its 4
[2009/04/29 0:54] Jackowacko Juliesse: omg
[2009/04/29 0:54] Cloud Clarity: yes omg
[2009/04/29 0:55] Cloud Clarity: dying
[2009/04/29 0:55] karikan Kytori: in ur 1st para, u say that wearing kimono is a dream
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: yes?
[2009/04/29 0:55] karikan Kytori: r u sure everyone thinks so?
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: maybe
[2009/04/29 0:55] Jackowacko Juliesse: so i shoudl delete this part
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: maybe u could say wearing clothes of other country is good or special
[2009/04/29 0:56] Jackowacko Juliesse: okay
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: okay
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: so....
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: r we findish
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: dini?
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: fini?
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: no more opinion
[2009/04/29 0:56] karikan Kytori: fin
[2009/04/29 0:56] Cloud Clarity: k
[2009/04/29 0:57] Cloud Clarity: who's next
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